vicious love

heard the song from new found glory and i was like, yeah -- this is sort of my kind of story. haha. these are the verses of the song.

Couples on their backs in the park
Lay on blankets bought
On a date the day before
A routine I’ve been longing for
I can’t help but to glance
From the corner of my resentful eyes
I guess it’s all perspective but
It’s you I never get enough
We’re always far apart

When I go out alone
And see them sharing meals
Like Lady and the Tramp
Hate their loving eyes
Wishing it was you and I
Add tip to my receipt
Fold it up behind a picture of us
I guess it’s all perspective but
Together though we rarely touch
Hard not to fall apart

i don't really like the word vicious 'cause it sounds so disturbing and hurtful and violent. but i can really relate to the lyrics, there were times that when i'm alone i wish my lover was there, most of the time there were couples who was also in the same area and i just go all bitter. i also get this in watching couples on social media from happy i go to "magbulag gihapon mo" and "walay forever" but the truth is that i just wanna do those things with my lover, picnics, long walks, dates, eating sessions, travelling, adventures you know learning about each others what not. we don't go out much, and it't not like i am so into going out, just that it feels great to see the sun with someone.

but we were not the same as before though, we share so many sweet messages then but now we are not even sending each other messages. i just miss the old times. but anyway, i'm still happy about our relationship, i don't want another person. i just want him and need him.

guess i'll just have to live with this all. this is what i have chosen to do.
to just be inlove with him.

9/10

now that i am alone and my leg is irritated and i just couldn't bare it plus i have an insane headache arising, a sore throat and clogged nose. i'm sick.

hope i don't get too sick 'cause i will make my thesis tomorrow and it will be a hindrance so i hope not. i shall drink water and many many many antibiotic haha. i just wanna sleep for now and take a rest. i have decided to make a gift for my self :) before the 25th.

so cheer up, heads up
there are better days ahead!

makata

for some reason as i was doing the dishes, i thought of something. i think it would be best to write it down in filipino. might as well make a true to life story out of it, haha and it's morning. i only got less sleep and more sleep less nights... why does this brain function so much, it always overthinks and no matter how hard i try not to, it still gets there... making me so tired everyday.

so here i go
hear it flow
like a tornado

ugh, rhyming it again today.
______

6:30

sabi nila sa isang relasyon talo ang nagmamahal ng sobra-sobra, o hindi lang sobra ha, sobrang sobra. ilang ulit na rin akong naging sawi sa pag-ibig at sa lahat ng 'yon, masasabi ko na palaging akong talo. pa’no hindi magiging talo, e’ palaging tanga. pero mahal mo e’ kaya ata lahat ng suhistyon ng mundo kaya mong bigyan ng rason. “love is blind” ika nga, bulag kasi nagbubulag-bulagan -- hindi yong literal mismo pero yung kung paano’ng nakikita mo ng mali, pero palagi mong ginagawang tama sa utak mo. ‘yung tinatawag nilang sentido kumon? ‘di gumagana yun.

parang totoo nga ata yung sabi nilang nagiiba yung persona mo, pag iba-iba yung lenguaheng ginagamit mo. haha, nakakatuwa at pagod na akong mag tagalog ‘di ata nasanay ‘tong utak ko, sarap nitong iconvert sa english. naiisip ko tuloy, para akong si yeng constantino – bisaya na nagtatagalog though okay, namang pakinggan.

so yeah, umm -- still, even if the world told you to let go -- based on experience i wouldn't let go because i loved too much and too deep i drowned myself in it. 

ghad i am too sleepy to finish this but in due time i will eventually.
will probably post my old tumblr posts here. so i can finally "not lose them". lol
so goodnight, goodnight parting is such a sweet sorrow that i shall say goodnight 'till it be morrow. :)

wake me up when september ends

why do i feel lonely when you are not around? 

did i got too accustomed with you, being always with me?

am i the only person who feels this way?

do you feel this, too? 

this distance, this loneliness?

do you?

it feels like i'm always in the watch to see if you are there.

but still you're not here.

what i feel now.

to be or not to be that is the question.

t(- .-)

so long sucker plates

feeling something

you say you're really hurting atleast you're feeling something
--

hay kapuya oy, damak. nganong ingon ani mani oy wala jud ko sa focus nako ba. kailangan nako magbuhat. wala bya koy friends na maasahan tae. ako ako nalang jud ani. dili nako magsalig magsakit lang akong heart. tama na! kapoy na! move on na! kaya nimo ni! daghan nakag naagian!

kaya nimo ni JES!
hinay hinay lang nya paspasi!

kaya nimo ni
ayaw lang ug undang
ikaw pa

bahala na na sila

bahala na na sila

kaya nimo ni

move forward na

kaya nimo ni

Love

there are just things you cannot understand but you need to accept. you may remember her scent and the way she looked at you or how she do her hair and how she flicker her brows. but believe that this will pass. like all the things that have passed in your life. this will pass too. maybe not today but soon.

you will mend yourself

and she will mend hers

and you will both learn.

keep yourself busy

you can do it.

like how you did it then.

you can make it now.