Thursday, July 17, 2014


there are just things you cannot understand but you need to accept. you may remember her scent and the way she looked at you or how she do her hair and how she flicker her brows. but believe that this will pass. like all the things that have passed in your life. this will pass too. maybe not today but soon.

you will mend yourself
and she will mend hers

and you will both learn.

keep yourself busy
you can do it.

like how you did it then.
you can make it now.

Friday, May 16, 2014

unappreciated gift

i really feel broken hearted, well my friend who i believe still wanted me to be her friend celebrated her birthday last may 15 and i thought i should really give her something. so i did. i gave her a chocolate. for some reason i thought she would appreciate it because it came from me. but she didn't. she didn't posted it. maybe she didn't like it. and this means i should probably turn my back away from her.

i guess this is an indication that i should not be friends with her.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

when lovers turn to friends

i guess this is better for us. i do not feel anything at all now
i feel so numb of the things that i should feel.
this is not better this is the best.

she said that she's tired of me
and i am too. im tired of myself
maybe i'm just not meant to be loved
nor i am capable of doing so.

so this is the best.

the best solution

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

a good day to die hard (post for march 26, 2014)

it's really painful to be a secret and to have imperfections
what's more painful is to not be accepted and not love by those people you've expected to understand you.
it's even painful when they think of you less than what you should be.

wala lang.
siguro kay midget ko.
siguro kay bayot kog nwong
siguro kay bugoon ko
siguro kay dili lang jud ko love.

o siguro kay attached rajud kaayo ko


rules to be followed:

1. should eventually be more independent (too attached)
2. should always follow thy mind (too dumb)
3. should be more mature
4. sarilinin ang problema (i-blog nalang enjoy pa)
5. everyday na magpost para chuy
6. kung naay hinanakit imessage nalang na sa hangin, pakalmahin ang loob i-blog
7. kung problema sa pera darating din yan.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

missing piece

now that i am eventually back to life (from not blogging, to blogging again) haha. though it's not that funny i just laughed `cause it seems to be cool to type in *haha.

today was another boring day like any other day and it was hot (literally). so i wanted to write a poem of what was troubling me. it's like an illness *cancer that slowly and mercilessly killing me.
something(not even a poem)

beauty in her eyes i see
beautiful in my eyes is she
but hurtfully her eyes does not see me
her body does not feel me
or the need of having me

pain in the heart is love
though they say that it is a gift from above
i could not understand how they could say it
nor did i understand how they feel it
but the love i know was always hurtful
the love i know was always toxic

ever since i was young i know this
ever since i saw them all i understood
that love was beautiful like a rose
but it could hurt you with its thorns
but why do we still love?

today was a miss
i never got to touch your lips
i should have given you a kiss
but it was all a miss
and yesterday you didn't even bother
to say how you love me so
maybe you had a change of heart
especially today because i am the reason
of all your worries.
i am the reason you are failing
i'm just a distraction
to all of the things you want to do
i am the reason to all of this
and even i try to help you it wont do

how i wish i could be gone
so you'll be happy

how i wish i could just die and never wake up one morning
so you'll have the most beautiful day of your life
i just wish to die so you wont have to make stupid fights with me
so you could just live and love the person you really want to have'
the person that is not me, i wish i could just die.

i wish.

Monday, March 24, 2014

goodnight goodnight

i really wanted to be with you, to hold you and to make you smile even just a little. to make you feel that you are not alone because i will always be here. i have always thought of you and how we could be. how it should be. i never thought of myself, not even once ├žause my love for you is selfless. you are my first priority - first in every thing. but i can see that your love for me is diminishing. and  what if one day you wont love me? what if i have sacrificed all for you but you have not seen it, not once because you have not love me enough to see my worth? i can feel that one day will come and you will abandon me. 
you will forsake me to be with a man because i am not for you.
while i will be doomed and broken.
because i have loved.
loved too much of what is asked

i have always asked myself why do i love you so? and i have not seem to find an answer to that question. i thought that maybe i was not really in love with you but with your existence. but i was wrong that was not the answer. love is a very difficult feeling. and it is not sufficient enough to make a relationship strong. there is always time, faith, understanding, etc. 

i have always felt worthless when i am with you
i feel that i am not needed
and you are not happy to have me as a partner
you seemed to be always on the lookout if there were others to see us
you seemed to be ashamed of me
because i am like this
and perhaps in your heart you have not really accepted me yet. 
perhaps it was never supposed to be

but you have changed my world when you were here. you have colored all of the black and whites and even fill the empty spaces of my heart. though you seemed to be so far away. now i am in doubt if you have truly loved me for me did or you just love me for you. 

maybe in the future you still wont love me.
because i am me.
and i am like this 
and you will never accept me.
not as your lover

i am just your secret.
never something else/

Friday, September 13, 2013

when things like this happen.

you know that i idolize paramore, right? and i don't only idolize them -- I freakin` love them! the LOVE you feel when you LOVE someone. this someone is my role model HAYLEY WILLIAMS, which is the reason i am able to cope with everything when i was younger. lol. but anyway i happen to stumble upon a group -- okay, i mean a BAND here in the Philippines that has the "merely hayley wannabe" vocalist and i dislike her. Ghad. am i this bad of a person? i felt really bad because she is this close to being hayley and i am here -- siting in front of the computer watching them on youtube. tsk. i wish i had a band that is composed of 3 guitar players (lead guitar,bass guitar and rhytmn guitar), 1 player for the drums and me as the vocalist/keyboardist/songwriter. but this is impossible now, is it not? i will be 19 years old this september and  will be 20 next year.. i will be too old. too old to be part of a band.

i am just so ashamed that i do not have this kind of bandmates that are very hardworking and have the ability to adapt to everyone. tsk. it's just sad to have shattered dreams! :(

so so so so sad.

as in SAD!

very SAD!

PS: makalagot jud kaayo kay naa na silay album na-suya jud ko na ambot. lol. but anyway.. pasagdaan nalang.. i focus nalang nako akong life sa akong pagka VEGAN ug sa akong WALKING EXCERCISES plus maybe i will study songwriting and stuff just to be happy plus, i will write books and will become an architect someday! so i better study now!

pero sayang.
if maye i can change somethings in the past.
maybe just maybe i am the one who she'll watch in the computer screen
i will be the one to sing in front of a big stage.

life happens.
isipon nalang nato na there is a reason for all of this.


that is all for todays blog. :)