stiffy

i ask God to give me enough time  to love you, i said to him that i haven't found someone as dear as you in my whole life and that i cannot let you pass me by. that it would be a risk but i am ready to take it as it is and i am ready to stand firm when it changes me. 'cause it was you that was heaven sent', to free me in this damned cell i'm in. haven't i told you before that you are my first serious love? that was because i never give love and i never trust; people, emotion and life. that changed when i met you. though i am numb at times and my jokes hurt, i tried to change. but, maybe i 'cannot' change, what if... that's just me and if you love me you should love my hurtful jokes, too? that you have to accept me, as i am including my bad sides and start saying 'ana man jud na siya, sige lang... kay love man nako'. i know maybe that was just too demanding... but i have been doing that since day one. i have embraced who you are and who you are not. i am not asking you to be 'manhid' just like me, but i am asking you to understand me, to know me, to see trough me. know when i tell lies and when i am sincere. yes, maybe i have no right to say this things to you now because i am the one to blame, it was my action that counted wrong. but maybe just maybe... you'll see that i am not as difficult as you think. that i have always love you and will always love you. that i am not thinking of replacing you, that.. that was just a past time and a laughing stock. i am really sorry for hurting you like this 'again', but i love you... yes, i love you and i don't know what will i become if i won't have you in my life.